5 Reasons Bad-Mouthing Your Ex Will Just Make Things Worse

Mitzi Bockmann
7 min readJul 26, 2022

After a break up, not bad-mouthing your ex can be next to impossible.

Whether you left or were left, the end of the relationship can lead to anger, bitterness and resentment.

And, try as we might, keeping those feelings to ourselves can be difficult, sometimes even impossible.

I am here to tell you, from personal experience and the experience of my clients, that bad-mouthing your ex will only make things worse, even if it feels really good in the moment.

Here are 5 reasons why…

#1 — You won’t be able to move on.

Much like when you still follow your ex on social media, bad-mouthing them maintains a connection between the two of you and not a good one.

A client of mine’s husband left her and, surprisingly, he was very angry with her and blamed her for the end of their marriage. She was angry and hurt and tried to talk about that anger and hurt with him but that made him even angrier. And he didn’t share that anger with her — he told others about it.

At her daughter’s birthday party, my client was sitting with her ex and her family. She texted him and learned that his text alert for her was ‘Houston, we have a problem.” She was devastated and left the table, crying. How could her husband, the father of her children, be so disrespectful?

She asked her daughter about it and she said that he said that ‘it played well at board meetings.’ At his board meetings, at work, he was denigrating her in front of others.

And what did this do for him? All it did was keep her connected to him. Every time she texted him, that is what he heard. And every time she texted him, he was triggered into feeling the anger and resentment that he felt towards her.

Furthermore, I am guessing that, while the co-board members laughed at this alert, it really made them uncomfortable and perhaps lose some respect for him.

So, know that bad-mouthing your ex, while it might feel good in the moment, will only keep you connected to your ex. If you don’t talk about them it will lead to not even thinking about them and that will help you move on!

Mitzi Bockmann

I’m a certified NYC based Life and Love Coach who works with people to help them find, and keep, happiness and love.