You are not alone if you still miss your ex after a year. I know you might be judging yourself because you do but DON’T.
Societal pressure makes us believe that it’s not okay to mourn. We are expected to get over a hurt and move on. And if we can’t, it makes us feel bad about ourselves. And feeling bad about ourselves will only hinder forward progress.
Understanding why you still miss your ex after a year will help you understand and hopefully forgive yourself so that you can move forward and find the love of your life.
#1 — You have regrets.
I have a client who is full of regrets. Years ago, she cheated on her boyfriend and ultimately left him for another man. At the time it felt like the right thing to do but now she is full of regrets.
My client didn’t get to the place where she was unfaithful in a void. Her boyfriend had broken promises to her, made plans for his future that didn’t include her and didn’t make her a priority when she needed him. Because of this, she was driven into the arms of another man. And she left.
What she struggles with most is that she was unfaithful. In retrospect, it feels incredibly selfish to her. She feels like if she had talked to him about how she was feeling, instead of looking outside the relationship, they might have made it.
And, if they had made it, they would have been living happily ever after.
What I am here to say is that regrets will get you nowhere. My client believes that, if she had talked to him instead of fooling around, then they would be living happily ever after. But, she just doesn’t know that.
There were already cracks in her relationship that were starting to show — he was making choices without her and not making her a priority. Who is to say that those behaviors wouldn’t have continued. Or that, if they did fix things, a job on the other side of the country or the death of parent or another person might have thrown a wrench in that relationship.
Regretting what ‘could have been’ is a waste of time because you are regretting something that might not have even happened.