5 Things That Seem Like Red Flags But Are Actually Green Ones

Mitzi Bockmann
8 min readNov 20, 2022

How can there possibly be things that seem like red flags but are actually green ones? I mean, red flags are red flags, right?

Actually, maybe not!

If there is one common theme in all of my coaching calls its to watch out for red flags in a new partner.

You know red flags, those things that pop up and make you pause and wonder if something is amiss — if you should still continue moving forward in this relationship in spite of them.

What I have come to learn recently is that things that you think are red flags in a partner might actually be signs of someone who is ready for a relationship!

How did I learn this? First hand.

My boyfriend had a lot of red flags when I met him and, as we tend to do, I ignored them. I figured that he would change or I could fix him or that I would adapt because I wanted to be with him.

And, for once, ignoring those red flags was a good thing because here I am, five years later, with the most amazing man.

Here are 5 things that seem like red flags but are actually green ones, things that actually ended up being signs that he was perfect boyfriend material!

#1 — Their strong attachment to their mother.

I have written before about ‘mama’s boys’ and how having a relationship with them can be challenging. I still believe this but I also know now that there is a flip side to this coin.

When I met my boyfriend, his mother was in a retirement home 5 minutes away. He went to visit her every Friday and Sunday nights. Yes, two weekend nights, every week!

When I learned about this, I thought it would be deal breaker. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hang out with his mom two weekend nights and I believed that he would always choose her over me. I didn’t want or need either of those things!

My worries were completely unfounded. While my boyfriend was extremely close to his mother, their relationship was a very healthy one. The Friday night visit usually involved a gin and tonic and on Sunday we had dinner. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her. And the times that I wanted to…

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Mitzi Bockmann

I’m a certified NYC based Life and Love Coach who works with people to help them find, and keep, happiness and love.