How to be Assertive in Relationships

4 min readApr 3, 2019

Are you wondering how to be assertive in relationships? Is yours struggling and are you worried that your lack of assertiveness may be part of the problem?

I have built a business around helping people who are struggling in relationships. Unfortunately, there are many people struggling because relationships are really, really hard.

More than any other reason, I believe lack of assertiveness as the basis of many relationship issues, for both men and women.

Most women aren’t naturally assertive — we tend to sit back and follow other people’s lead and be happy enough with the outcome.

Men often lack assertiveness because they want to keep the peace but, in the end, they are left bitterly unhappy.

Fortunately, many of us have learned the skill of assertiveness in relationships and we have figure out the best things to do.

So, let me share with you my secrets about how to be assertive in relationships.

#1 — Have self-awareness.

People who are assertive in relationship are people who know themselves and they know what they want in a relationship.

I know when I was married, I knew I was unhappy but I didn’t know why. When we went to marriage counseling there was always discussion around the nebulous cloud that was my unhappiness but we never attacked it directly because I couldn’t define what it was.

Since I have become more self-aware, I have realized what happiness means to me — to be noticed, to be heard, to be valued, to be seen. When those things happen, I feel loved and I am happy.

If you aren’t self aware, take some time to develop that personality trait. Take stock of what is important to you in a relationship so that you know what to ask for when the time comes.