Why They Check All the Boxes But You Just Aren’t Into Them

Mitzi Bockmann
8 min readOct 30, 2022

Are you in a place where you are dating someone and they check all the boxes but you just aren’t into them.

Have you been searching for someone like the person you are dating and, now that you have found them, are you surprised that they just aren’t the person for you?

I am afraid that this is very common. We meet someone and we are so hopeful and then we just don’t feel it and we just don’t get it!

There are many reasons why they check all the boxes but you still aren’t into them. Knowing them will help you see clearly and let go when, and if, it’s the right thing to do.

#1- The boxes might not be yours.

If you find that they check all the boxes but that you just aren’t into them, it might very well be because the boxes are not your boxes.

For many of us, there are things that we think we should want. Things that our parents or our friends or society tell us that we should want and should have. And we think that, if other people want those things, we should too.

For example, our parents often want us to find someone who is emotionally stable, from a good family, well off financially, and someone who wants, or doesn’t want, to have children. Our friends want them to be tall, dark and handsome and society says that they must have a certain beauty level compared to ours.

And all of those things are well and good but are they things that WE really want?

I know that, for me, my parents wanted almost everything that I have listed above for me. Of course, they did — they wanted to make sure I was well taken care of. And my friends were looking for people who were from the same east coast liberal arts schools as we were. As a result, those things were in my boxes although I really wasn’t sure I wanted them to be.

I wanted to find someone who was irreverent, smart, sarcastic, ambitious, appreciate of tequila and who didn’t want to settle down right away. I didn’t tell people that, however, because I was embarrassed to do so.

As a result, time after time, I would find people who could check all the right boxes, at least those of my family and friends, but, for…

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Mitzi Bockmann

I’m a certified NYC based Life and Love Coach who works with people to help them find, and keep, happiness and love.