Why You are Feeling Sad in Your New Relationship After Letting Go of An Old One

Mitzi Bockmann
5 min readNov 5, 2020

Are you feeling sad in your new relationship and absolutely dumbfounded because you are super happy? You have found the person you had always hoped you would find and yet you are still sad and missing your ex.

This feeling is horrible, I know, but it’s very common. And it doesn’t mean that you should leave this new relationship and go look for your ex. It means that emotions are complicated and that, with some knowledge and sel- awareness, you can accept the sadness as temporary and move forward.

Here are 5 reasons that you are feeling sad in your new relationship and how to manage those emotions.

#1 — You are still comparing.

One of the things that we do when we go out on dates with new people after breaking up with someone is we compare them. No matter how toxic the relationship, we sit across that table from our date and measure them up against our ex.

Ironically, what we usually measure is the good things that we remember about our ex — the sexual chemistry is the one I most often hear but it can also be other things — their ambition, their kids, their interests etc.

This comparison is natural but often our brains steer us in the wrong direction.

I would encourage you to make a list of all of the things about your ex that made them your ex. Be honest. It’s easy to forget the things that went wrong but, if you dig deep, you will find them.

After you make your list, make a list of the good things in your new relationship. I am guessing that, if you are happy, there are many.

Making these lists, on paper, will help you see exactly why you shouldn’t be with your ex, sexual chemistry or not, and why you are happy in your new relationship and that the sadness will pass.

#2 — You miss the comfort.

No matter how long we are in a relationship, patterns of behavior are developed. And these patterns are familiar and hard to change.

Whether the patterns are good ones, like eating pizza on Fridays or going for a walk every night, or bad ones, like fighting every morning about who will…

Mitzi Bockmann

I’m a certified NYC based Life and Love Coach who works with people to help them find, and keep, happiness and love.